Its been awhile

I haven’t written a post in a while, but recent events call for it.

Today has been crappy. I woke up this morning super early, because I can’t seem to sleep past 7:30AM any more, and on my Blackberry there was an email from Chase (formerly WaMu) informing me that I had overdrafted my account AGAIN. Great way to start off the morning. Better than Wheaties.

After that delicious breakfast, I headed to Kinkos to print out my resume in preparation for a job fair I was going to with my best friend. It cost nine dollars. WTF?!

The job fair was out of control. Literally. We got there at 11, when registration started, and the line was already wrapped around the hotel. I would guesstimate that there were about 700 or more people there. We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into, I’ve never been to a job fair before, and I gotta tell you, one of the most anti-climactic experiences of my life.

I guess on the news they advertised 18 employers. At the even however, there couldn’t have been more than 9. That includes the US Army AND the San Francisco Police Department.

The two most popular tables were the one’s belonging to Aflack and a temp agency. The temp recruiter looked bored out of her mind.

Needless to say, we both left without handing out a single resume.

Oh, but when I got home, my college diploma was waiting for me. Oh, the irony.

The Nanny Diaries.

I won’t ever say that I hate my job. That would be inaccurate. I certainly don’t love it, but I can think of worse ways to earn double-digits in an hour. Like being a coupon distributor outside an aquarium at one of San Francisco’s most popular tourist destinations. Because I’ve done that and I can tell you that it’s far worse. (I challenge you to pass out hundreds of flyers to Korean tourists and give directions over and over to the same place;  ‘Just keeeeep walking that way to get to Fisherman’s Wharf. Yeah, follow the HUGE SIGNS.’)

That being said, I don’t love my job. I recognize, that as a recent college grad in this economic climate, I should be grateful to have a paying job, and I am, but I’m just sayin’. It’s 9:30 at night and I still smell like baby. Mind you, I have no children of my own, and technically, I wasn’t even scheduled to work this morning. But I digress.

In case you’re childless, or your children are long grown up, let me share what exactly this smells like: its a fun combo of fresh diapers, poop, rice cereal, a bit of formula, and some mashed sweet potatoes for good measure. Sprinkle a little Desitin and baby spit on top, and you’re me, right now.

Tomorrow I’m working again, but with two kids of vastly different age groups, which makes it hard. I would never want to make this blog a kid-friendly one, but this is what my life is like now. I keep reminding myself that I went to college, I use to Know Things, and now I spend most of my days coloring or making funny faces and wiping butts, which is how I imagine some new mothers feel, but with a lot less sleep and no off-the-clock time.

Just for good measure to show this isn’t a mommy or kid blog: shitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckertitsfartturdandtwat

And the perks keep on rolling in.

I’m still a nanny.

By some crazy twist of fate, they have yet to fire me, though I suspect my days are numbered. I take a lot of vacation, apparently. By vacation, I of course mean days I knew I didn’t  have work and told them I was going out of town only because I didn’t want to get reprimanded for being unreachable.

I’d started to make contingency plans, but then I realized I’m practically unhireable. Now I’m thinking, I know I should get a real job eventually, but can I just have a couple more months to chill the fuck out? Oh and during that time, can I make some money to spend on the booze I’ll need to drink to numb myself to the fact that I’m totally, hopelessly unemployed??

We all have dreams.

Little does my boss know that I have a friend visiting from out of state in September, that I plan to show around (I might be really sick that week, if you know what I mean), AND I’m heading to Los Angeles at the end of that month to see Britney Spears in Concert. No one will take that away from me, dammit.

The rational side of my brain keeps reminding me that this is temporary. TRY and enjoy it! The irrational side (which, at the moment, is winning) is telling me that I’m never going to move out of my parents house, be able to buy a new computer, and then I’ll die poor and alone. Damn him.

Great Minds

So there’s this new movie coming out starring Alexis Bledel (of Gilmore Girls fame) that’s all about what it’s like to have graduated from college with no job. I would love to go see this, but I’m afraid I’ll be paying $10 to see the shinier version of my current situation.

I assume that the movie will be all about Alexis’ character struggling to ‘find’ herself after she graduates while trying to overcome the awkward ‘friend-who-loves-you’ situation (and various other humorous obstacles) all while living at home and trying to find a source of income. By the end of the movie, she will have found herself and a job, but it will be something she’s REALLY passionate about (as opposed to being a cubicle person in corporate America). Oh, and she’ll get the guy, whoever he may be. I have an inkling she’ll be moving to NYC, also. Because everyone knows NYC is where you can REALLY find yourself–among five million strangers.

Yes yes, this is the watered down, less pathetic, more humorous version of my life, complete with soundtrack. I’m sure I’ll see it, either in the company of a fellow unemployed BA holder or my grandma. I’m sure it won’t matter as I’ll leave the movie theater thinking the same thing: ‘If ONLY I could get my neighbor to fall in love with me, then after years of unrequited love, I’ll realize I love HIM and then I can follow him to NYC where he’s enrolled in law school and where I will win him back and simultaneously find my dream job!’ This may or may not be the recipe for success I’m looking for.

In case you’re wondering HOW the job hunt is going, I gotta tell you, it isn’t. I’m still working my ass off as a nanny, but I only do that a couple days a week, and my pay check reflects that. I need to find another part time job, or a full time one so that I can get rid of this one.

To be honest, I’m not looking for anything serious. I would love to just find an OK job that I get paid well at so I can have some FUN for a while. Then, I’ll deal with you know, the future and shit. It sounds like I’m a college guy trying to justify why he doesn’t want a girlfriend to his friend with benefits, ‘I just want to have FUN right now, baby. Why do we have to be so SERIOUS?!’ Story of my life.

Money, honey

I seriously regret not keeping track of how many jobs I’ve applied to in the past four months. I believe the number would be astounding. Of the dozens, I have received two calls back. Of those two, I got offered one job that I now detest.

I just applied for four more jobs off of craigslist. Working as a receptionist would make me more money and, I believe, cause me far less anxiety. I’m planning on hitting up HotJobs and monster, but my hangover is getting the best of me and I believe that I will have to put the brakes on job hunting for a few hours. Rejection takes a lot out of you.

Looking for a job has become outrageosly obnoxious (hows that for alliteration?!). The one I have, I hate, and now I understand why they were so effin eager to hire me. Turns out, not having any childcare experience and then trying to play nanny is hard. At some point in the near future, I have to get certified in First Aid/CPR, which costs money. Then, I have to go get fingerprinted, which costs my agency around $200. I don’t hate the agency, just the job, so I need to decide if I’m going to quit before I get fingerprinted.

Meanwhile, I have to babysit two kids tomorrow who are four years apart. I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be the decision maker for me. Dear GOD I hope a new job pulls through in the next couple of days!

Stress much?

So being a nanny is a little more stressful than anticipated.

Apparently, my agency frowns on TV watching. I nanny for a 10 year old who likes to watch TV. Therein lies the paradox. Trying to think of activities for a 10 year old is harder than it sounds, or maybe it isn’t and I’m just a nut job. Probably the latter. By the way, I’ve found out I’m not good at playing Lego Star Wars Wii or Nerf guns. Just in case you were wondering.

I nannyed for a baby the other day too. Happiest baby ever. Until he had to nap, then not so happy. You know what seriously raises one’s blood pressure? Babies crying and not knowing that the fuck to do about it. Perhaps nannying wasn’t the best job choice for an already stressed person?

Speaking of jobs, I’m being seriously considered for an Americorps project in Arizona. The state wouldn’t be my first choice necessarily, I’d rather head farther East, but it’s a good project and I’ll take it if I get accepted.

Since I’m hardly employed and I have a good deal of time on my hands, I’m heading South for the Fourth of July. Helloooooo Orange County! Since graduating, I’ve felt like I was on a mini-vay cay and except the sad event a month ago, it’s been very enjoyable. I think, though, when school starts again, I’ll start feeling like a slacker. Hopefully by that time I’ll have more figured out. Or I’ll be on my crazy road trip…

Happy Fourth!

When I Grow Up

Last night I went bowling with a couple friends from high school and a few of their friends. We were sitting around our table under the black lights and one of the girls and I were having a conversation about college. She asked me what I planned to do with my degree? I shrugged and gave some vague answer about non-profit work.

The conversation got me thinking, though. When do we stop asking what we want to be when we grow up? I certainly don not feel grown up, so I suppose I can still ask and answer it. I don’t have the job I thought I would when I was 10. Things have changed, as they should–I wanted to be an astronaut. What the eff was I thinking? But do I stop day dreaming when I’m 25? Or 30?

Like most of my peers in this same predicament, I’m worried I won’t ever find a job I love, or even like for that matter. No offense to those who do it, but I cannot get stuck in a poorly lit cubicle that smells like stale coffee. The Office is funny on TV–not so much in real life. The fact of the matter is, though, that I am going to need to find a ‘real’ job eventually. But how much do we trade in for financial security? Call me an idealist, but how much will we compromise in order to land a ‘good’ job?

For now, I just need to find something to pay off my credit card bill and finance a Britney Spears concert ticket and a cross country road trip I am determined to take. Being a nanny gives me anxiety, but at least it’s helping me keep my childish enthusiasm, oh and it pays, too.

The F-U in ‘funemployed’.

So I was reading Time magazine today and on their ‘Numbers’ page, they had a new word to add to the lexicon: ‘funemployed’. Its for those of us who have found ourselves out of work and well, kind of enjoy it.

I used to be one of those people who believed they could not function without a job or something pressing to get done. Granted, I’m technically employed through a nannying agency, but it’s hardly a full time job. Since graduating a month ago, I’ve found that I actually enjoy not working, or at least not working so hard. For the past four years, I have gone jobless for approximately two semesters and maybe a month or two. Like many of my classmates, I sometimes worked at both a paying job and an unpaid internship at the same time, while a full-time student. Oh, and I was in a sorority. If you haven’t guessed that already.

So this whole not-having-to-use-an-alarm-clock thing feels pretty fucking good. I don’t really sleep in; I usually get up by 8 and I’m at the gym sometime between 9 and 10. In other college grad’s defense, however, I’m also not out partying or even socializing until the wee hours of the morning. I’m usually asleep by midnight. Yes, sometimes I even go to bed earlier than my parents.

But hell, call me ‘funemployed’. I have been labeled by a buzz word and I think I like it. Today I read my new book (The Forever War by Dexter Filkins. Riveting), went to the gym, met with my new employer and had a lovely afternoon with my grandmother and two cousins. It’s a gorgeous June evening in the Valley and my big thrill tonight is Jon an Kate’s big announcement (Divorce? Couples Therapy? Or Disneyland!?). This certainly isn’t the high-profile life I had imagined six months ago, but it ain’t half bad. I drive around, listen to NPR, and I’m trying to start volunteering with Disabled Veterans of America.

I figure this is the time in my life when I can afford to have an existential crisis since I have neither children nor a mortgage to consider. I don’t even have rent to worry about. It would be beneficial, I think, to take some time and help out some people. Perhaps I’ll even disappear for a while, hit the road, learn a little more about my fellow Americans. If so, would the title of this blog still be applicable?

Ya hi-yah’d.

Today I was officially hired at a nanny agency. Whoop! I already have two days of on-call work this week, which is pretty awesome. I’m going to have a little money again!

The kid I’m regularly going to babysit seems pretty effin’ legit, if you can say that about a kid. He likes Wii, baseball and in a couple months he’s getting a puppy. His mom asked how I was with dogs, I was like, uh I would pay YOU for puppy time. Sold. I think I start next week. Bring on the Star Wars trivia.

I also spoke with someone about volunteering at a veteran’s service organization that may or may not turn into a paying job, eventually. I figure, if I have a couple of extra days a week to volunteer, that I should do it. It would keep me busy, would look great on a resume, and I think I’ll really enjoy it. Plus, I might ACTUALLY MEET FRIENDS! What a crazy notion. As much as I love watching the CMT awards with my parents and going to bed at 10:30 on weekends, I think it may be time for me to step out of my comfort zone and hang out with someone my own age. Perhaps I’ll even venture to a bar. That may be going a little far, though.

There’s potential flying at me from all directions right now but no sure-things. Which is A-OK for the time being. I don’t mind taking a little time off from ‘the hunt’ to volunteer and hang out with this kid and his puppy a few days a week. I’ll be doing on-call work and I may get a few more ‘regulars’, along with occasional babysitting for my cousin’s kids (who I love), so at least I’m making money for booze and jaunts to Irvine.

This situation may not look ideal in comparison to some of my fellow graduates, but in this economic climate and following the recent earth shattering events of my life, it is perfect for me.

Applyin’ this BA in political science well, aren’t I?!

Aftermath

Since turning down that job, I have received mixed responses, but none as strong as the one from the friend who set it all up. I knew when I made this decision that I would face his wrath, inevitably, and I was putting it off. Today, however, it caught up me.

His response came in email form and his words were very strong. He hoped that I had thought this through and that my decision was not affected in any way by the recent trauma in my life. Also, he wrote that this job was a huge opportunity and that even being the coffee girl would open up a lot of doors and that my decision reflected poorly on him.

I understand where he is coming from and why he felt the need to write this email. I do not appreciate his tone nor his use of language. Even though I knew this was coming, it was hard to read such an intense email from a close friend. From my parents and other friends, I found the support I needed; from him I didn’t get anything but a lecture on mature decision making in the most patronizing tone I’ve ever come across.  I know that what I did was right. This has not made me question my decision, but our friendship.

I think I’m finally beginning to understand complexities in ‘grown-up’ relationships, be it friends or otherwise. I see now that the decisions I make may cost me friends. It’s something I took into account this time and something I’ll do again in the future.

I don’t really know how to navigate this, so I gently apologized and reassured him that it was in no way a reflection of my appreciation for this opportunity. It SUCKS that this may have cost me a friendship, but I stand strong in my decision! Oy vey.